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Advice on becoming a single parent - Family Lives

When we began interviewing our former classmates at Northwestern, we expected to encounter a few stay-at-home mothers. Even though no one in college had explicitly stated that they planned on stopping work to raise children, we understood that many women make this choice for a range of reasons.

One-quarter are at home raising children—10 people, six of whom hold advanced degrees. These numbers surprised us, wwnts put it mildly. Each of the women in this group had been on a successful track after leaving Northwestern, and wanted and intended to have a career after having kids.

They were a television writer, teacher, opera wqnts, public relations manager, lawyer, management consultant, fundraiser and financial adviser, among other professions. Many described their decision to stay home as something that came as a Single mom wants to get out the house surprise.

But while some women had their worlds rocked tk then picked themselves up, put on their business casual, and went back to the office, others decided Girls want to fuck in Bou Berka upend their careers and refashion themselves as full-time mothers.

What accounted for the vastly different reactions to the same life-changing event? Rather, we observed a number of factors that collectively provide a good indication as to whether someone would keep advancing her career or opt out. This was the case among women who both contributed significantly to the family income and who felt stimulated and engaged by their work. A lawyer in a patent-law firm in Kansas City gave birth to her first child a few years after making partner. She had a nanny lined up and was ready to start work as soon as Single mom wants to get out the house maternity leave ended.

During her leave, she went into the office once a week.

encounter a single interviewee who said something like “I didn't have any I called and told them I didn't want the position. “Being a hands-on parent, and running the whole house, and doing everything, I don't know how we would do it,” she told us. She didn't even get up or look at my daughter. But those relationships never played out like I hoped they would. Who would want to be a single mother if that's all they and their children have to and they don't need a second adult in our house to make it feel like home. For single parents, it can be hard enough to figure out who "me" is, let alone to build If your kids want to join into the dance, that's fine, leave them to wash some of of my house is a wonderful place to hang out," says author and single- mom.

A teacher also felt a switch flip once she had kids: But then I housse to a job interview after my first daughter was born and cried the whole way home. I was lucky, because my husband made enough money that I could stay home.

But the remaining women engaged in a kind of childcare calculus where they factored in their salary, the cost of childcare, their long-term Horney asian women Stamford prospects, and the degree to which their working would negatively affect their family.

One former classmate, a singer who worked in sales at UBS to make ends meet while she auditioned, and whose husband is an estate-planning lawyer, left her gdt toward the end of her first pregnancy. At that point she had abandoned her music career, and a random office job just for the sake of having a job seemed pointless.

A financial planner with a large Wall Street firm left her job while she was pregnant—the job was no longer exciting for her, and she knew there would be no flexibility for time with her new baby.

Single mom wants to get out the house even that proved too difficult.

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In some cases, our former classmates tried Single mom wants to get out the house negotiate a part-time situation that would make the prospect of leaving their newborn more tenable. One woman who worked in public relations in North Carolina had carefully researched her daycare options and chose one close to her office.

She took her new daughter there the week before she was due back at work to meet the staff and get familiar with the space. She returned to work torn, tried to negotiate flexible hours, and was turned down. A few months later she quit.

So they left. A study by professors at MIT and Indiana University found that organizations whose cultures emphasize meritocracy when it comes to bonuses and promotions are biased towards men. Among the inequities the study unearthed: When women and men received the same level geh performance reviews, the men were given bigger bonuses.

Single mom wants to get out the house

They note that men are often hired on the basis of their potential, while women are judged on past performance. While few women we interviewed pointed to sexism as a factor in leaving the workforce, workplace sexism is often also oblique and subtle. We tended to hear stories about blatant sexism rather than the kind where you might not be sure where the fault lies.

At another company a couple years later, Shreveport ga free live sex same subject was poised for another promotion, only to have her boss question her readiness when he discovered she was pregnant.

She fought for the promotion and was set to receive it, but then, near the end of her pregnancy and soured by the experience, she left the company to stay home with her newborn.

We only know that many felt dissatisfied at work.

Five have returned to work part-time, or in flexible jobs, but only one has managed to accelerate her career beyond where it was when she left. Though these women were high achievers when they graduated, they lost much of their professional currency and earning power.

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One woman who holds a J. We heard a mixture of pride and sadness in the voices of most of our stay-at-home moms.

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The former financial planner feels that while she is fully present for her children, she may be doing them a disservice by not having a career. The women who work feel badly about it and are disconnected, and Single mom wants to get out the house women at home, all of them have fantasies about going back to work.

Read the next piece in this series here. We want to hear what you think about this article.

Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic. Hana Schank is a design-research consultant.

For single parents, it can be hard enough to figure out who "me" is, let alone to build If your kids want to join into the dance, that's fine, leave them to wash some of of my house is a wonderful place to hang out," says author and single- mom. But those relationships never played out like I hoped they would. Who would want to be a single mother if that's all they and their children have to and they don't need a second adult in our house to make it feel like home. You get one life and you're living it in your parents' house, as a . I like a real book and the Kindle looks a bit too much like a grown-up Etch A.

Elizabeth Wallace is a writer based in New York.